Need Me?

Will Wilkinson stirred up a mess earlier today by saying, “men need women to be women and women need men to be men…” In reading through the comments to the original post, a follow-up post, and comments made on blogs belonging to Julian (great name by the way) and Amber I think one of the problems readers had with the statement involves the ambiguity of the phrase itself.

While I’m fairly sure, given the content, it’s not what Will intended, to me the phrase developed, after thought, into a commentary on how independent individuals in this age and country have become and subsequently how that independence makes relationships difficult. The 1950’s fail to represent a time to which I long to see this country return, but the models of male and female represent an interdependence largely lost in the 21st century I live in now. The women depended on men to provide the finances and make creating a home possible, and men depended on the women cook, clean and launder so he could focus on his work. Today, with people getting married later in life and women working outside the home those expected clear lines of interdependence fade to nearly nothing. Our culture rewards those who can do it themselves, perpetuates the idea of super-people and distances the admission of need, making the interdependence needed to have a successful relationship difficult to grow into. From this perspective Will’s original thought implies that men need to know that the modern woman still needs them, maybe not to pay the mortgage or something so tangible; and women need to know though household chores may be shared their presence is still needed to make a house a home.. Reinforcing the ones you choose to spend your life with appears, to me, to be what the issue is.

I spend a lot of my time perpetuating the idea that I can do it all myself, from bringing home the paycheck to keeping up with the laundry. I strive to be my own personal Desperado, only now have I begun to recognize the cost of such behavior. My struggle now comes in determining how to maintain a responsible, non-burdensome, place in society and become open enough to allow myself to need someone else.

So, remember to give those you love words of encouragement and a hug tonight.