Quo Vado?

The Kid just hit me with a good zinger, “Act your age, not your height.”

I’m not in a talking mode right now, so please bear with me.

You are Phlegmatic. You have a peace-loving
nature, and make a good listener and a faithful
friend. You do have a tendency to be selfish
and stubborn in your worst moments, and your
worrying can lean towards paranoia. Phlegmatics
should consider careers as accountants,
diplomats, engineers, and administrators. You
are a somewhat reluctant leader, but your
practicality and steady nerve under pressure
makes you a natural choice for leadership
roles.

Which of the Humours are you?
brought to you by Quizilla from The Cul de Sac

After languishing on my shelf for nearly a month, I finally saw In America. This movie induced powerful feelings, of the un-named variety. Movies dealing seriously with death (i.e., not shoot-em-ups) always get me, and this one was no different. The kids excelled, and strode the fine line between cute and unbelievable amazingly well. The narration rang true - the older than I look tone of the oldest daughter resonated so much that it hurt. If you plan to see the film, wait until you’ve either got a full tank or your heart needs a jump-start. The film amazed me, and it will get added to the collection.

I want to write about so many little one-line type of things, and it seems to be a real waste to post them separately, so we’ll try to do it all at once.

Leaving Work Feeling Sick

Have you ever left work, just thinking to yourself, why in the hell am I doing this? I’ve been working as a structural engineer for nearly seven years now, and Firebrand harshly questioned my abilities as an engineer because I didn’t see something in the view screen of a digital camera, and I didn’t understand his explanation of the problem, because the terms he used didn’t translate to something I could identify. It was such a sucky feeling that I just wanted to go home and never come back to work. I’m not a great engineer, I’ll never be a great engineer, but I work within boundaries that I’ve set for myself and try to admit when I’m wrong and do my best to be a good, conscientious engineer; but yesterday I was ready to bag the whole thing. Come to think of it, I still am, but bills are required to be paid.

Strange Dreams

I had two main dreams last night. The first involved giving birth, not watching but actually doing the birthing - very weird, especially since I’ve never done it and there was little pain - much confusion and little pain. In the second one, I was trying to make a snake stay in a locked room with cracks that were big enough for it to get out. I should have been bitten about seven times. I like that dreams filter out the pain.

Scary Cell Phones

Getting breakfast this morning (honey wheat bagel, toasted, with peanut butter), the ubiquity of cell phones struck me. Now, I know that they have been ubiquitous for a long time, but this morning what bothered me was that people never get to relax because these little metal boxes can ring at any time. Personal time seems to be lost, and any chance of reflection or emotional dissipation is diminished because people always ‘need to be able to reach you’. Sometimes I wish they’d never been invented.

I just stopped having a stupid argument with someone I did’t know. Why do I feel the need to always be right? Why do I want to write about how and why correct I was concerning the issue that I just stopped having the argument about? It’s not the end of the world if two people see/interpret things differently, the only thing that matters at this moment is what the building code official will accept on the plans. I just need to calm down; it’s not going to kill me to not argue with someone, really.

OK, I just received a call from one of the subcontractors for a project we designed in Texas. Now, there is some funky framing over the units with garages attached, but we figured it out, drew it up, and provided a nominal hanger capacity for two locations, figuring there were people who knew how to read on the other end. But no, I now have to take fifteen minutes out of my day to do someone else’s job for them because they are too bloody lazy to read. Argh!

My shower this morning revived me. The light in the ‘stall’ room blew as I flipped this switch, knowing better than trying to climb ladders when still asleep, I took my shower in the dim light provided by the world outside of the stall. It was ridiculously relaxing. The sense of rush that permeates most mornings failed to appear, and the less abrupt adjustment to the light has always been my favorite. So, Tuesday started off well, let’s see if we can keep it going that way.

Well, nothing’s been said here in nearly two full days. The day’s haven’t been exciting, full of work, but completely lacking in interesting details.

Yesterday’s Spark: Where in the World ? 25 July 2004
Having lost your luggage for the 342nd time, Global Airlines Inc. begs your forgiveness and offers you four roundtrip tickets and a week’s luxury hotel accommodations anywhere in the world. (And you can take another airline!) Where would you go? Who would you bring with you? Why?

Well, to begin with the whole idea of choosing four people to spend a whole week throws a wrench into the thought process, what four people would I want to spend a whole week with? If it were possible I’d take my family and we’d go to England, while the English lack civil war sites, enough history permeates through to keep everyone happy. However, that’s not a realistic option, as not all members of that party are alive. Given the here and now, I’d travel to Italy with Squid, Ayn and a dart throw. Italy tops my lengthy list of places to visit before I die, the general easy going attitudes and slow movement of time that get reported stateside sound so refreshing right now. As for what I’d plan to do, spend some time hitting the top-tier tourist traps and relaxing, nothing too fancy.

Editor’s Note: This fiction snipet, inspired by fish in a tank, was written sometime during today’s trip to the Tennessee Aquarium in the little black book, retyped, titled and added here.

The large mouth bass are stacked in rows looking as if they are contemplating a special rendition of the “Jet Song” as a skulking catfish swims behind them, plotting the death of the bass leader. The Sharks love their supreme lake choral group above all things.

Editor’s Note: This little fiction, inspired by a girl waiting for her father, was written sometime during today’s trip to the Tennessee Aquarium in the little black book, retyped, titled and added here.

Taking in the sightes from my perch on the wooden bench under the old oak tree, I lazily spoon green jello to my mouth. People pass by looking confused or impatient, names hollered across the courtyard go unanswered and the masses on holiday work to keep their kits entertained. A cherub plods unhappily past, being pulled along by an instant mother, wearing her heart for the world to see as her brow creases and lips compress more with each new step.

“Stop pouting,” her mother admonishes, “there are fish, turtles and rays inside.” Upon hearing the magic words and taking one last swipe at the air, the cherub pick up her feet, eases her face, and enters the darkened building with the beginnings of a sparkle in her eye.

Editor’s Note: This entry was written sometime during today’s trip to the Tennessee Aquarium in the little black book, retyped, titled and added here.

We’re taking a day trip to the Aquarium, and I’m not driving. I’ve spent much of the morning with my eyes closed absorbing lyrics, or open watching trees pass. This sitting doing little while riding was unheard of when I was younger. The quietness of the trip helped by brain pause for a moment and begins to register root causes of my latest bout of caustic behavior. It comes down to my attempting to come at living life with two different objectives. Part of who I am, the most vocal portion in fact, doesn’t like things that take too much work, energy conservation rules and rebels against expending energy to build and maintain friendships that I need in order to be happy. I know that I need these connections to flesh and blood people, but I hate doing the work. I have been exceedingly selfish with my time and energy as of late, choosing to spend much of my free time drowning out the voices in my head in front of a television, selecting colors and making banners for this site.

I stopped by the red circle boutique before going to the devo tonight; I needed hangers and headbands. Earlier in the week, listening to one of the six set stations in my car, I realized that the rhythm and lyrics of Hoobastank’s song The Reason hit some major internal chords. I don’t know yet how to define the chords, but I’ve learned in recent years to pick up CD when something appears to echo an aspect of my soul, so I did. The whole album rocks and thuds more than a lot of the stuff I enjoy, but the lyrics on most of the songs resonate about as well as anything I’ve found lately. The songs strike me as being overflowing with an odd combination of angst and hope backed up by a relentless drive. As an aside, I love the white on white infinity CD art.

In another moment of why didn’t I get it sooner, I stopped in front of a Goodyear store and finally figured out what exactly the elements of the logo were, and why you ‘ride on the wings of Goodyear.’ I’m nearly twenty-nine, and I just now get it.