Quo Vado?

I wore my glasses in the shower this morning. I own an awesome pair of Escada frames and with the new ultralights in them I often forget that I’m wearing them. The best part is after nearly four years of routinely putting them back together I finally got the eyeglass people to put in lock bolts; the temple connection isn’t as streamlined but I love the glasses anyway. It’s amazing how a simple pair of glasses can really enhance your face. I have an awkward head, it’s short and round and most glasses look chunky on my face, which is odd given its size. There are those in my circle of friends however who wish that I’d quit hiding behind the lenses, they need to keep wishing.

I came into work today fill out the shop drawing cover sheets. During the process of filling them out and signing my name I discovered that I think of myself more as kmsqrd that kmu…(the rest of my name). To have my on-line identity take over the day to day one is odd, and disconcerting at the same time. Am I becoming someone who can only interface with a screen and a keyboard? Nah, not really but sometimes the thoughts just pop into my head. kmsqrd just happens to be the form of my name I’ve used more frequently as of late. Identity crisis averted.

Now on to your regularly scheduled program…

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and it looks like work.
- Thomas Edison

Luke 7:36-50 Jesus Anointed by a Sinful Woman
What kind of conviction did the sinful woman, I assume the town prostitute, have to have to get into the Pharisee’s house? It’s probably assured that she wouldn’t be welcome there, and obtaining entrance would be difficult. Just gathering herself to make an appearance at the house must have been difficult and scary. It had to be an amazingly brave thing to do, to travel into an environment known to be hostile and demeaning just to see Jesus. Do I have the heart to do that? Do I see my need to do that?

The Pharisee’s response ignores the woman as human and focuses only on her faults. Is this how I treat other people? Do I keep them in boxes, those worthy of my time and those unworthy of my time? As a disciple, it is easy to start feeling superior somehow because of my righteousness. At the end of the day, however, I am no more righteous than the next person because all sin is disobedient to God, desecrates the sacrifice of Jesus, and wounds my spirit. All sin includes the superior, self-righteous, ugly thoughts about people in my head. How often do I assign people labels when I’m frustrated with their behavior? God loves all of us; we all need the grace and mercy of Jesus’ loving sacrifices equally. There is a saying that I must keep reminding myself, the ground before the cross is level, no one person needs the cross any more than another.

Jesus puts forth another one of those mind-bending ideas in verse 47, “he who has been forgiven little loves little.” As someone always looking to do something the ‘right way,’ the verse gives me pause. Do I love little because I work so hard to do everything completely correctly? By having to control and limit everything so that I can be correct, do I limit how much I love? Fear of failure and the need to keep up appearances lends itself to not trying new things because if I should screw it up that would be bad. I then limit my interactions and activities and cut myself off from the rest of the world. While the selfishness of the action needs to be forgiven, the avoided failure and hurt feelings don’t, but I miss the opportunity to connect and love with others. Dude, a stiff wind could blow me away about now. Must ponder further.

Also, I need to decide if I’m going into work today or if it would turn out to be a big waste of time in the long run. I’m leaning toward the latter.

Well, I’ve awoke from my early morning nap, and low and behold it is Memorial Day. A day set aside to remember the cost of having the type of freedom we have in this country. The day itself makes me question what our ancestors think about how this country has turned out, if they would be amazed or horrified. One of my grandfathers served in Europe during WWII, he died almost five years ago without the benefit of his full faculties. Never mind that he didn’t talk to me much, I still wonder what he would have to say about the state of the world today. Ten to one he’d be appalled by pervasiveness of sex, and public homosexuality, he might not understand the stance on violence against women, the music would drive him crazy, and he might even think the mess in the Middle East is ill conceived.

OK, that last thought may be my projection onto a memory. It may be overly simplistic, but I don’t get how the war on terror became focused on Iraq. Furthermore, I don’t understand whey we are going after small groups of people with multiple battalions, to me it seems possible that fighting this way gives the opponent a moving advantage that is difficult to overcome. Oh, well, as I’ve said before I don’t know enough to make an informed, big picture decision, so now I’ll just wish the men and women oversees safety and a swift return home.

‘Tis early Monday morning and I’m awake and alert thanks to a three hour nap this afternoon. I went to service this morning, and it was rather interesting. We talked about how we can recreate unity and how it is necessary to modify our behavior to better enable a group to function as a unified group. Talk of changing who I am always makes me nervous, but it was more about realizing where you come from and the learning how to approach others in a way that doesn’t completely bug them. The only silly thing is that I didn’t happen to fit well into any of the four types in the personality model used to describe people, I happened to fit nicely somewhere in the between two groups. Isn’t that just like me, not fitting any particular definition.

Following my nap, I did some work at home. Shop drawings are a real pain in my backside, and the worst problem today was that the person designing the wood floor trusses cannot read structural plans and tell that the solid walls are load bearing and the hollow walls are not. I spent much red ink.

Random Question:
Do we assume the human spirit to be too weak or too strong? The success of the underdog, thematically, has been rolling through my head lately. It began as an observation about movies and television. Cinematically what often makes the hero inspiring is that he traverses some great obstacle that was thought unbreachable. Often in Science Fiction, War or Adventure movies the heroes or heroines surprise their enemy because the original impression the enemy had of them was clouded by weakness. The consistent overcoming of obstacles by people with the deck stacked against them suggests either we believe it is possible, or we need to continually reinforce the idea to have hope.

I don’t know, I’m much too brain dead, and the above probably doesn’t make much sense. I’ll revisit it later.

“Music is edifying, for from time to time it sets the soul in operation.” - John Cage

I completely despise having a Saturday that makes me wish I had never even thought of getting out of bed. Yoga this morning didn’t go well. I was stiff, creaky, and had a constant headache. I never found that nice happy relaxed place during practice. Then I grabbed some food and came into this cell to work. Needless to say, forty minutes later lunch is finished and I’m getting ready to work. Only now, my stomach hurts like mad, my head feels like it is going to explode and I don’t quite know where to start. Argh, kid. Get motivated. Barring that, find your focus and remember you only have to be here until four, then you can go home to do laundry and rest. Forward?

I warily approach the oncoming three-day weekend with dismay and annoyance. The pile of stuff awaiting my return to work dictates that I will get the wonderful opportunity to earn a large quantity of overtime this weekend. I know I’ve raged nearly non-stop about this lately, and I apologize (I’m sorry!) overwhelming things to weave their way into every facet of life.

I added the (I’m sorry!) above because it bugs me when I watch Aaron Sorkin teleplays that he never has his characters say I’m sorry, they always say I apologize and for some strange reason the phrasing bugs me. My annoyance results from not hearing some one admit that they were wrong, which I feel ‘I’m sorry’ says more clearly than ‘I apologize’. I wonder if it grates only my nerves or if I’m just linguistically off kilter. It’s possible that the two phrases mean the same thing, but they defiantly don’t resonate in a similar fashion. If ‘I apologize’ does mean something different to Sorkin than ‘I’m sorry’ his motivation for consistently using one over the other would imply something about his characters, especially Josh.

I’ve finally made it through Horse of a Different Color, and like all good albums there is a song that I don’t like. Why is it that in every album that I really like is there one song that induces teeth grinding?

Take the What Fruit Are You? test by Ellen!

So, yesterday after I wrote a mini-rant and self-soothing bit of text, I lumbered over to the music section and picked up the Big & Rich CD Horse of a Different Color. I haven’t laughed at music in a long while. The album, what I’ve heard of it, never stops moving and the lyrics/songs are enough to garner a wry head shake or an outright chuckle. If you love fast moving country music, give the album a listen.

Today, I will live.

Today, I will SUBMIT.
Submit to living God’s way.
I will allow his hand to guide me, correct me, and protect me.
I will trust the path God leads me down is in my best interest.
I will choose to study the word and talk to him about everything.
I will accept his gifts of love, grace and forgiveness.

Today, I will DARE.
Dare to run toward the roar.
I will not allow fear or the voice of doubt control my response.
I will be open and honest about my feelings.
I will take to heart the truths about whom I am.
When I err I will admit aloud to others that I am wrong.
I will hold my ground against the fear.
I will endeavor to take one step forward.

Today, I will LOVE.
Love by seeing everyone with my heart.
I will listen to understand.
I will cherish the uniqueness of others.
I will see where they are today and be honest about what I see.
I will focus on who they can become.
I will remember that they are human too.

Today, I will CELEBRATE.
Celebrate by living for today.
I will see time as a gift to be well used.
I will remember from where I came.
I will recognize how far I have traveled.
I will rejoice because sin and death do not control my path.
I will embrace growth.
I will take care of myself, all of myself.

Today, I will SERVE.
Serve by working cheerfully and diligently.
I will be a team player.
I will accept direction, learn from others, and share knowledge.
I will resist outside influences trying to reprioritize my values.

TODAY I WILL LIVE!

I’m A 1990s Geek

Cool, confident, and very powerful, you’re the sexiest geek ever! Buckle in, your decade is one hell of a ride.

find your geek decade at spacefem.com

I have claimed a spot in the Barnes and Noble coffee shop, planning to work through the hour available until they start chiming the ‘you have to get ready to leave’ mantra over the loud speakers. Most days I hate the loud speaker, but today it will give me a sense of when I have to stop and take a breath. My head has landed itself into a pile of organic muck. BA would want to know what is getting me all bottled up. The obvious emotional stop stems from work. My heart oozes with frustration and shutters under the mass of projects. Every time I turn around some requests to task DL for an hour or two, which means that I loose three or four hours of production time. How do they expect me to finish my projects on time, completely, and with as few errors as possible if they keep stealing the guy responsible for transferring my work into coherent plans? Do they honestly think we are miracle workers? Do I not have a life outside of this cell that I’d like to have the energy to live? Why do they insist on making the whole thing so much more difficult than it has to be? I was talking with AML earlier this week and my head nearly came clean off. Brushing the topic, even lightly, sends me off the edge. Completing all of the projects as requested requires Herculean efforts I don’t think I can give, leaving me stalled, unable to move forward in any direction.

Sane outsiders might imply my work issues are tertiary, suggest more problematic underlying spiritual deficiencies, and recommend attendance to the spiritual could help clarify the whole system.

Hebrews 9:11-28
Jesus entered the perfect, God made, heaven not through the sacrifice of animals, but through the shedding of his own blood. As a man, possessing a complete relationship with God Jesus sacrificed everything, his comfort, his friends, his dignity, and ultimately his life to re-enter the heavenly realm the embodiment of eternal redemption. He died once, so that he could stand before God as the perfect atonement for my sinfulness. He’s my protector and defender; he’s claimed me. I am human - remember to come back to this kid.

Hebrews 6:18-20
God offers the hope found in his forgiveness and claim through Jesus’ sacrifice. The question of the day resounds from that idea. Will I accept this amazing blessing of God’s, that adds to the blessing of forgiveness, and ground myself firmly in that hope, striding though life each day with the promises of God lifting my chin and empowering vigilant attention to rebinding my heart to his, serving his people and celebrating what I do have.