Quo Vado?

1. Having Bossman show Kid how to stretch his back with his back to me.
   
   
2. Then having Bossman make a Playboy comment.
   
   
3. Having a conversation with a client about how much I need someone else working with me.
   
   
4. Then having a conversation with Bossman about how he could help me. Always a dangerous question, because his version of help takes more energy than it saves.
   
   
5. Watching with exasperation as Bossman wastes five minutes of three people's time looking for something he could have found if he'd just bent over. (Of course that would have meant a repeat of #1, but still.)
   
   
6. Eating lunch at McDonalds. (Yes, I know it was my choice.)
   
   
7. Rain.
   
   
8. Annoyed phone calls from a second client about a job I've never finished.
   
   
9. Having to go to the RCB after work for some special things. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow.
   
   
10. If it's not the RCB, it's Whole Paycheck because I'm out of non-caffeinated drinkables.

"I am not in this world to live up to other people's expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine." - Fritz Perls

... or in this case the plastic thing that poses as a jar these days. The peanut butter (Jif Creamy) tastes much saltier than I remember. Worse than the somewhat disturbing taste, is the loudness of the sign that I seriously need to visit the grocery. I haven't been in nineteen days and I've run out of stuff to drink at home and the work snacks that get me through the morning.

I think I'm going to add more adult peanut butter to the list. Darn.

"A sense of duty is useful in work, but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not be endured with patient resignation." - Bertrand Russell

Last time I checked, you were not only my boss; but, also, the first name in the masthead. Your job as I understand it is to obtain new combustible projects, oversee all active combustible projects, and answer questions posed by the architect, owner or contractor. As of late, it feels like much of the final two tasks has been falling to me.

Part of me says, "I don't mind, really," thinking it keeps you out of my hair. The louder part of my brain screams that it's your job to know the project status of each project. It's your job to know how switching from the 2000 to the 2003 code changes the building's structural requirements. It's also your job to know how to answer the bloody questions, even if it's not your project. To recognize that Sd1 does not equal Sm1 nor is it supposed to as they represent two different seismic values. Heck, it might even be helpful to no that the first one is the design load and the second is the maximum anticipated load.

Am I asking too much? Can you leave me alone to do my work now?

Thanks. -kel

They're cutting the grass in the field next to the parking lot. I'm hoping they don't find a dead body back there. I've thought several times it'd be a great place to dump someone.

What kind of person gets a breakfast sandwich without egg?

LeWho's curtailed the calling of me Princess to the point that it now startles me when he says it. It bothers me more that I now respond without thinking.

I traveled this weekend to see a friend I've known for many years. What struck me half-way though my stay was how much I don't talk. At least not about anything important. I may start to say something about who I am as a person; but, those conversations quickly find themselves derailed. I know listening is an important skill and helpful to my friends. I just wish I could find someone to listen to me who I don't have to pay.

"We all carry around so much pain in our hearts. Love and pain and beauty. They all seem to go together like one little tidy confusing package. It's a messy business, life. It's hard to figure—full of surprises. Some good. Some bad." - Henry Bromel

Oh, yeah, this therapist is going to make me work at this.

Tonight's visit with PHSv2.0 ended up being another doozy. He started by asking me what I wanted to talk about. Seriously, I'm usually there unwillingly. Most days, I make it to therapy only because I'd committed to someone that I'd be there (and I have this thing about keeping commitments to others). I know that makes about as much sense as mud. I know I don't want to continue living my life as a self-made pariah. I know that there are things in my head about the way I look at myself and the world that most find massively screwy. I know all of those things. But, the work - and the risk - needed to get to somewhere emotionally healthier faces the entrenched beliefs that got me to this desert.

So, here are the weeks questions:

1. What do I really deserve?
2. How long am I going to be living history?
3. How long am I going to be angry?
4. What did the little girl feel?
5. Am I willing to love me now and then?

I'm running behind. I know I owe you more work than I even want to think of. Yet, you insist on keeping me on the phone for half an hour discussing dates and stuff I don't care about. I try to keep my tone and voice civil. I somehow managed to avoid sounding pissed when I answered the phone; but, really, every minute you keep me from doing my job I grow more annoyed. I have things to do and shop drawings to review. Miraculously, I'd found a groove this morning and you ruined it. Many thanks. Please don't call if you have questions.

Thanks,
-kel

"Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech." - Martin Fraquhar Tupper

I spent another morning in the field today. Trying to climb four flights of stairs in t his heat is asking the near impossible. I though I was going to fall over dead, sucking in sawdust as I walked down the fourth floor hallway. The building was a four/five split and we started on the low side. The contractor did a good job of picking up all the little things. The presence of comments disappointed him though. He was aiming for a perfect score. He just missed a couple of things that make high-density apartments different from garden style apartments, so I told him not to feel too badly.

My sinuses are once again acting poorly. I've added extra Benedryl, but I think more fluids would help everything seven fold. The time I've spent in the heat over the last couple of weeks is really starting to take it's toll.

Back to the long over-due shop drawings. Wee.